A Few Water-Cooler Questions for Bair’-ack Obama

(correct phonetic pronunciation; -accent on first syllable as that was how his father pronounced their shared name)

Hey Mr. President,…may I call you Barry?  Thank you.

I was just wondering, are you really an American citizen?
You are?  Great!  I thought so.
Uuuuh, I have just one more question.

By what law are you an American citizen?
I can’t seem to find any answer to that question.

Since you’re a constitutional scholar and all, I expect that you will be able to explain the legal source of your citizenship.

Having read the 14th Amendment I’ve learned that you are not covered by its citizenship clause.  It only bestowes citizenship to children of immigrants, but your father was not an immigrant.   He was merely a foreign student in the country on a student visa.

That meant that neither he nor you, his natural off-spring, were subject, as the amendment requires, to the full jurisdiction of the federal government, -which included foremostly, the authority to draft immigrants into the U.S. military and send them to war.   Since you and your father were subject to the British Nationality Act of 1948, -as was openly declared on your 2008 election website, it’s evident that neither you nor anyone else can possibly be totally subject to the full authority of two different nations.

Since your father, the Kenyan student Barack Obama, wasn’t subject to U.S. jurisdiction, you could not have been covered by the authority of the 14th Amendment since you were excluded from it by its requirement of being fully subject to the authority of the federal government.  Since your foreign father was only in the U.S. temporarily, you, through him, did’t fall under that authority.

So, since it is the only source in U.S. law for obtaining citizenship for merely being born in the United States, and it didn’t apply to you, what exactly did?

The reason that I ask is because of the inconvenient issue of the Constitution’s only eligibility requirement that applies only to the presidency.  As every Constitutional scholar knows, the President must be a natural born citizen.  I’m sure that you, being an honest decent man, have a perfect explanation as to how your brand of citizenship can be considered “natural born”.  But before you get into explaining that, could you first simply identity what U.S. law it is by which you possess U.S. citizenship?  Since the 14th amendment doesn’t provide natural citizenship to children of immigrants, nor citizenship at all to children of non-immigrant aliens, what other avenue remains?  How exactly are you qualified to serve in the office of the President with your brand of citizenship, whatever it is?